Too Much

Don’t be too adorable, it gets your cheek pinched

Don’t be so sensitive, you cry baby

Don’t be too smart, kids will throw rocks at you

Don’t have a flashy bike, someone will take it at knife point

Don’t fight for your stuff, you’ll only get hurt

Don’t pin a towel around your neck as a cape, who do you think you are? Superman?

Don’t be too Bronx, people will make fun of how you speak

Don’t use big words, people will think you’re trying to impress and don’t know what you’re talking about

Don’t be teacher’s pet, you suck up!

Don’t hum while you’re working, if you do, be on key

Don’t be fat, kids in Europe are starving

Don’t be too Jewish, millions were exterminated

You don’t even know how to be Jewish, not like cousin Marty, he goes to yeshiva

Don’t be an ugly American, you klutz

Don’t be too powerful, leaders get stabbed in the back

Don’t be so accommodating, they’re taking advantage of you

Don’t be too gay, Jim is awfully effeminate

Don’t be too flirty, your lingering look will get you punched in the face

Let that be a lesson to you.

-- Larry Wolf, 2 July 2025

[Index of Poems]