Memory of June 1994

Silent Running

An evening celebration

Let’s meet people 

Establish my presence

Or at least an awareness

Of them

Perhaps

Of me

Alone at a full table

They know each other

Know each other well

Years of living

Years of loving

Years of tears

And cheers

And burials

And marches

Tonight, acknowledged

For of by the all of us

All of them

I know the causes they work for

I know the forces they work against

Just not here

Had I been in Montpelier

Or Burlington

Or Saint Johnsbury

Or Brattleboro

I would have known them

All of them

Might have been on the podium handing out an award

I had to leave

Staying was killing me

Here

Alone

Lost

On edge

I flee

Way before last call

Way before awkward goodbyes and see you soons

Ripped up decades of connection

Shred my heart

Left the cool mountains

For this sweltering swamp

Alone in a hostile world 

Smothered in southern gentility

Inner rage 

Quiet street

Back stairs

Bare apartment

Hum of air conditioning

Staring out at treetops

Wishing for a thunderstorm 

Dance in the downpour

Many reasons to have left

Many reasons to have come 

Dry tears of unresolved loss

-- Larry Wolf, 31 July 2025 

remembering June 1994

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