Morning Page

Each morning, usually early, I write one page in this journal.

It begins with one line at the top. I write the time I start, the day of the week, the date, and where I am in the world. Beyond that, the only other format is that I end the page with the time I stop.

One page. Usually full of handwriting from edge to edge. Typically it's 15 minutes, but I may take much longer. The words come fast or slow. Sometimes I get into a conversation with my husband, or I get lost searching for a reference. I might take quite a while to complete the page. A few times I just stopped. Wrote down the time. Closed the book. Went on with the day.

I purposely have no purpose for writing. It's not necessarily to plan the day, though sometimes that happens. It's not necessarily to record dreams or review some event, though that happens too.

It's an opportunity to wake up each day with myself, to explore where I am, to see what thoughts emerge and flow onto the page. It's a chance to be generative, to see what's bubbling inside before the outside gets cranked up. I used to watch morning talk shows with Eric while we had breakfast together. Now he watches on his phone with earbuds. I write. We're side by side and in our own worlds. It's a safe place for gnarly thoughts to run free.

I like the simple discipline of one page, each day. Sometimes I write every day, day after day. Sometimes not.

I've had journals at various times in my life, starting with some regularity in college, almost fifty years ago. Most of the early ones were the classic sketch book, hard black covers, white unlined pages, 5x8 inches. They were constant companions or occasional friends. The physical form changed over the years, quite a variety of books, but physical books, writing in or drawn in, pen or pencil or crayon in hand.

Much of what I wrote lacks context when I read it now. Some of it is powerfully evocative of the time, place and my state of being. Writing is good for me. Reading it back has recalled some of the journey, depth and nuance added from the perspective of years lived.

This particular journal was started in February 2017. It's 9.5" x 6.75". It was a vendor give-away at the HIMSS Public Policy breakfast (thank you LexisNexis Risk Solutions).

On the first page I wrote:

After dathun
After Courage Labs retreat
After Wisdom 2.0
After HIMSS17
Now.

I'm now nearing the end of this journal. It's taken two years. The two years span quite a lot of living. My mother's heart attack and cardiac surgery. My father's death. Many trips for work and family. Celebrations. Deaths. Births. Illness. Recovery. Activities of daily living.

It was a period when I went from freelance policy expert to employed Chief Transformation Officer and now back to freelance.

Now.

Now I am exploring how I spend my time, how I earn a living. A few things are clear. Focus on what's important to me: time to deepen my presence, time to explore photography, action to create positive change in the world. Shift my attention from others to what's coming from inside me. Deeper, more potent, more meaningful. Also more playful and joyous. Spontaneous and connected.

I'm continuing to write a page a day. I've started to blog here. No commitment to what or when. We'll see what emerges.

Namaste
May the divine in me greet the divine in you.

Invoking the Ancestors

I begin my days with sitting meditation, a time to be with myself, my mind, my body. It's a few minutes to be still and experience what arises.

This classic Tibetan Buddhist text asks for blessings from the lineage of humans who have gone before me, recognizing that life is a journey with glimpses of insight along the way, one person helping another. It sets my intention and reminds me to be open to the unknown.

The Four Dharmas of Gampopa 

Tibetan Source

Grant your blessings so that my mind may be one with the dharma.

Grant your blessings so that dharma may progress along the path.

Grant your blessings so that the path may clarify confusion.

Grant your blessings so that confusion my dawn as wisdom.

Nalanda Translation Committee

[Note: "dharma" could be translated as truth, or teachings.]

Student and Teacher Dialog

Shawn Rowe

Tue, Jan 8, 8:06 PM

Hi Shawn -

V arrived today. I'm in the early stages of digesting it. Enjoying what I see.

It reminds me some of Minor White's sequences, leaving a lot for the viewer to experience and puzzle over. Not a specified sequence, but more a feeling of an intimate view of how the photographer sees the world.

Shawn Rowe, V (2018)

I have signed up for your portrait class at Lillstreet starting at the end of February. Do you have any suggestions for getting a jump start in advance of the class?

Thanks,
Larry

Jan 9, 2019, 8:46 PM

Hi Larry,

Glad you're enjoying the book!  I'm excited to hear that you will be attending my portrait class next month.  I think you'll really enjoy it.  It sounds like you're already fairly proficient in your photography history.  My only suggestion would be to photograph people as much as you can between now and then.  We'll start the class by bringing in examples of past work as well as examples of other's photographs that you admire.  The more examples you have to start with the easier it will be to zero in on what you're interested in and we can work to develop that.  Looking forward to the class!

Best,
Shawn

Thu, Jan 10, 9:53 PM

Thanks, Shawn, I like your suggestions...

I've been taking some time with V... Looking... Wondering...

Shawn Rowe: V (2018)

Who are these people? How am, the outside viewer, relating to them? What is the experience/intention of the photographer? What is the subject's story? Was there a script before hand? Is this an exploration that unfolded over time? Or was it created after the fact, editing across a body of images, pulled out of their original context? Or???

There seems to be a spiraling narrative that starts up close in black and white, moves through the elements, water, air, connecting, disappearing, loss, remembered touch, ending in a field of fire.

The shiny black surfaces act as a mirror to the facing images. It took a really good printer for that to work. Nice.

I personally relate to the male and male-male presence throughout the story. Echos of a younger self. Or am I seeing what I want to see?

Shawn Rowe: V (2018)

Your note at the end talks about exploring gender. In that context, I'm taking a fresh look. What assumptions am I making? What is being shown about the subjects, the angles when gender is unknown and a projection of the observer?

There is an intimacy in the images of the solo subjects and between the pairs. Or is that also my projection?

In searching the web for more background on you, I came across this quote from an interview with Kelli Connell:

"By making these photographs, I was able to express the self-questioning that was going on in my real life. I was seduced by the power of the photograph to raise questions, all the while appearing to be a document of truth."

... It's rattling around in my mind... the power... to raise questions... while appearing to be... truth.

Larry Wolf, Gallery 19, January 2019

How does this relate to my own re-connecting with photography? Most of my photographs are an intuitive framing and choosing a moment, sometimes conscious of considering or trying different angles or point of focus or depth or field. Sometimes documenting a moment or looking to please the subject with a "good" likeness. Other times "making art" that catches something from below the surface.

A few months ago, I dusted off an old micro four-thirds camera and started using it again. Real controls. A pair of lenses. Options and choices. Coming off of autopilot. I think the class will move me deeper into this.

I'm looking forward to the class. I bet it shows :-)
Larry

Fri, Jan 11, 6:08 PM

Hi Larry,

Your emails are so poetic. I deeply appreciate that you are taking your time with the book, thinking critically about it and making your own connections and drawing your own conclusions. This is exactly what I was hoping the audience would do. I’m also glad to see that you’re doing some of your own research in order to further understand.

When making your own photographs it’s important to consider your audience and how they will perceive your work. Happy to hear you’re going back to basics in terms of your gear, sometimes it best to slow down in order to consider what is most important when making images.

Best,
Shawn

Inner Journey - Looking back at August 2018

Reconnecting - Poetry and Photography

There's a thread running through the books I've been reading, books about being an artist. The word, artist, scares me, invites me, challenges me, to enter into that place of not knowing where art comes from. August 2018 was a turning point month. Looking back from January 2019.

James Baldwin - Jimmy's Blues and Other Poems

At O'Hare, on my way to New York to spend a week visiting my mother in Manhattan, I found this gem in Barbara's Bookstore, itself a gem in the sprawling airport.

Larry Wolf,
O'Hare Blues for Jimmy
(2018)

James Baldwin was outspoken his whole life. This collection of poems speaks to the multiple tiers of aggression he faced as a black man and as a gay man. The writing is direct and pulls no punches. It is evocative and drew me into his world.

James Baldwin: Staggerlee wonders

Nigger, read this and run!
Now, if you can't read,
Run, anyhow!
...
That's right.
Up to our ass in niggers
on Death Row
...
What is it that this people
cannot forget?

Surely, they cannot be so deluded
as to imagine that their crimes
are original?
...
Then, perhaps they imagine
that their crimes are not crimes?
...
creation yearns to re-create a time
when we were able to recognize a crime.
...
Lord, History is weary
of her unspeakable liaison with Time,
for Time and History
have never seen eye to eye:
Time laughs at History
and time and time and time again
Time traps History in a lie.
...
Ah! Kinsmen, if I could make you see
the crime is not what you have done to me!
It is you who are blind,
you, bowed down with chains,
...
but, now, 
rejoicing ends, man, a price remains to be pay,
your innocence costs too much
and we can't carry you on our books
or our backs, any longer: baby,
find another Eden, find another apple tree, 
somewhere, if you can,
and find some other natives, somewhere else,
to listen to you bellow
till you come, just like a man, 
but we don't need you,
are sick of being a fantasy to feed you, 
and of being the principal accomplice to your crime:
for, it is your crime, now, the cross to which you cling,
your Alpha and Omega for everything.

James Baldwin: Munich, Winter 1973 (for Y.S.)

In a strange house,
a strange bed
in a strange town,
a very strange me
is waiting for you.
...

Imagination

...

It may, of course, 

be the other way around:

Columbus was discovered

by what he found.

James Baldwin: Confession

...

   And,

Terry, the torn,

wishes he'd never been born

because he was found sucking a cock

in the shadow of a Central Park rock.

...

James Baldwin: Untitled

Lord,
   when you send the rain,
   think about it, please,
   a little?

Do
   not get carried away
   by the sound of falling water,
   the marvelous light
   on the falling water.
 I
   am beneath that water.
   It falls with great force
   and the light

Blinds
   me to the light.

Larry Wolf: My Thoughts

the

poems

living life

feeling, loving

feeling the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

the love in men's eyes... and loins

finding connection across divides

one person at a time

one day at a time

-- Larry Wolf, 6 January 2019

[Index of Poems]

David duChemin - Soul of the Camera: the photographer's place in picture making 

This book showed up last August, on that same trip to New York. I was obsessing about buying or not buying a new camera. The book was an Amazon suggestion while I was looking for something else. It was a suggestion which has changed me over the past five months as I explored the themes in the book.

David duChamin, The Soul of the Camera (2017)
http://www.soulofthecamera.com/

"It is we who put the humanity, the vision, and the poetry into our photographs."

Larry Wolf, Flowers for Maxi (2018)

So begins The Soul of the the Camera. That's it. the whole book in one sentence. The rest is embellishment.

"I want to make art. I want to experience it. ... I ask, Does it have soul? Is it alive? Do I see something of the artist within? Does it move me? Does it make me think? Does it challenge me? Does it enrich my human experience?"

Some photographs we connect with on a deep level.
Deeper More Compelling Photographs.
Successful photographs. Not good. Not bad.

What does it means for an image to be successful?

David duChemin advocates for sketch images. This one, the next one, keep with the moment, see what comes next, keep photographing until it's over, until it's more than over. Then look at what resulted and see how it resonates in the now after the making is over.

Work from our being as artists, birthing process of creativity. This is too important to take seriously.

The craft will always matter... and yet.

"I want work to be authentic."

"Not be creative but do creative."

"Original relates to origin... authentic... real... a reflection of who I am, what I'm thinking, what I'm exploring"

"surrender... to creativity itself..."

"Curiosity is the gateway drug"

"Photography is a lens I see life through."

"Mastery is the path we take in our art making."

Navigating to a new now

Sabbath - Sacred Time

My friend Monica sent me a quote from Wayne Muller's book, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in our Busy Lives. 

"Once we are in this trance [the busyness of life], there never seems to be a good enough reason to stop. The wisdom of Sabbath time is that at the prescribed moment, it is time to stop. We cannot wait until we are finished, because we are never finished. We cannot wait until we have everything we need, because the mind is seduced by endlessly multiplying desires. We cannot wait until things slow down, because the world is moving faster and faster, and we cannot be left behind. There are always a million good reasons to keep on going, and never a good enough reason to stop."

Let me repeat that last sentence:

There are always a million good reasons to keep on going, and never a good enough reason to stop.

All the more reason to create a ritual of stopping. Smell the roses, hug a loved one, say "thank you", open to the magic of the moment. 

Timeless advice.

[Posted January 13, 2019. Sent to me 3 years ago.]

Buurtzorg - Community Nursing

Buurtzorg is a community nursing organization in the Netherlands. It started small, focused on the needs of the professional care team and the people they support. It uses a self-organizing model that puts the local team in charge of the care and how they run the team to provide that care.

A trio of remarkable outcomes resulted from this.

1. Extremely satisfied patients with excellent outcomes and reduced total costs (40% below the expected cost). 
2. Extremely satisfied workers. Buurtzorg was the Employer of the Year in 2011 and 2012 in the Netherlands.
3. Explosive growth, from the first team of 4 nurses in 2006 to 8,000 in 2014. Buurtzorg now provides 80% of the community nursing services in the Netherlands. This has occurred with almost no corporate overhead (a central staff of 45 and 15 team coaches).

The shared services include

• An electronic health record
• A social network
• A team dashboard

There are references to some outsourced services, such as payroll and legal. I'd like to know more.

Here are links about Buurtzorg.

Buurtzorg: www.buurtzorgnederland.com/ Translate this page

Buurztorg USA: http://buurtzorgusa.org/about.html

The Queen's Nursing Institute (2014 blogs):

http://theqni.tumblr.com/post/94532689636/buurtzorg-whats-it-all-about

http://theqni.tumblr.com/post/97878349101/buurtzorg-nurse-riekje-writes-about-setting-up-a-new

Australian Aging Agenda (2014): http://www.australianageingagenda.com.au/2014/07/30/dutch-model-offers-alternative-approach-home-care/

KPMG Case Study (2010): http://www.kpmg.com/global/en/issuesandinsights/articlespublications/value-walks/pages/netherlands.aspx

I came across Buurtzorg in a book on a new organizational paradigm (Reinventing Organizations by Frederic Laloux). A great book that needs its own entry... something for another day.

Self-Organizing Organizations

A friend is hosting a workshop to focus his small company, Courage Labs. Here's his recommended reading/viewing list and commentary:

Reinventing Organizations

Talks about how to build solid organizations that people want to work in/on.  I'll be using "Orange" and "Green" and "Teal" a lot -- you should know what that means in an organizational context.

Holacracy as an Evolutionary Algorithm

A Teal organization (see above) doesn't have a master planner -- it has partners who care and work to help the organization evolve.  I have a strong bias toward this particular ruleset.

Imagine a Company Without a Boss

A 20-minute introductory video about Holacracy (without a lot of detail).

Official Holacracy Introductory Video

Introduces the Holacracy governance system, its core meetings and constitution.  My intention is to have Courage Labs abide by the Holacracy Constitution.

Benefit Corporation (Wikipedia)

I want Courage Labs to be a place that is beyond profit.  A purpose-driven organization that is driven as much (if not more) by how much it benefits the world as how it generates profit.  I will be pushing for reorganizing Courage Labs as a Benefit Corporation.

3 Tier Partnership App

A Holacracy "app" that can define how to "split up" ownership of a Holacractic organization.  I'll be asking everyone at this meeting what tier they belong in.